Kate Upton didn’t ask to be a blond buxom model making bank and dating pro athletes, but there you go. Her drive to not be seen as a sex object is matched only by the speed at which she... READ MORE

Here’s the thing about not wanting to be a sex object. You need a decent alternate public image. Something to lay out as a secondary association. I don’t just have big ole knockers, I’m also a heart surgeon who... READ MORE

Getting people to appreciate you for your cunning intellect and masonry skills is much harder when you keep taking paychecks to show off your tits. There’s nothing wrong with that particular occupation unless you’re a chick who wears twill... READ MORE

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Kate Upton and a dozen or so other celebrities from the hacked titties photo imbroglio have retained the services of celebrity scandal attorney Marty Singer to threaten to sue Google for $100 million, or what the people at Google... READ MORE

I have looked. And I will look again. America is in a collective tizzy right now. Half of them are drenching their knee-highs to photos of celebrity exposed titties, the other half are penning lamentations on Yahoo and Huffington... READ MORE

Nope, I can’t show you this picture either. I’ve been threatened with the iron mask. But you can see the big tittied blonde and the Cy Young Award winner pushing his junk up into her butt HERE. There’s a... READ MORE

For as long as Kate Upton’s been upset about being seen as a sex object, she’s been modeling in showy things. I went down to the small shop where the old Chinese guy lectures visitors about mogwais and bought... READ MORE

“You are ugly if you don’t have a curvy body, and I didn’t have one, and then I got one, and thought ‘Yessss!’ And then people say: ‘Oh, wow, you’re healthy.’ And you’re like, ‘Wait – what? I’ve been begging... READ MORE

Nobody knows makeup like Bobbi Brown. Whoever the fuck that is. I thought it was dead Whitney Houston’s crack pipe partner, but I guess it’s some makeup artist now making a billion dollars selling concealers. She used to have... READ MORE