Brooke Burke yacht yoga, sexy archaeologists, and more!

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I thought NSA bulk data collection helped to rid the planet of these 138 Water interplanetary soul suckers, but apparently, we traded liberty for zero security as these bastards continue to probe the anii of our domestic lady folk.... READ MORE

That’s not just anybody hoisting the first case of 138 Water, that’s actress Cara Santana who you’ve never heard of. That’s how this 138 conspiracy is going to unfold. Chicks in hats and sunglasses who once appeared in Beverly... READ MORE

I don’t know what to say at this point. Drink their non-existent water. Don’t drink it. I just want to stare into the ass crack of Jaclyn Swedberg which serves as a Stargate into a parallel universe where bloggers... READ MORE

Here, girl, hold up this bottle and smile. Oh, yes, for sure, this water is going to be the bomb. Everybody will be drinking this stuff in big Hollywood meetings and at fancy Beverly Hills parties. You’re going to... READ MORE

Where do women learn to pose like this? I can barely manufacture a basic smile for a photograph. I feel awkward and always end up looking like a jackass in a Kinko’s sample brochure. Are these chicks going to... READ MORE

Jaclyn Swedberg is the kind of girl at a party who every guy lies to about what he does. For instance, instead of semi-employed blogger and bottle recycler, I’d tell her I’m an animal trainer. And when she asks... READ MORE