Alessandra Ambrosio says she's excited to welcome people to her home country this summer. I think she means Brentwood. She occasionally visits Brazil to drop off ten American dollars to her grandmother's kidnappers but outside of that she sticks... READ MORE

Alessandra Ambrosio has that high maintenance look stamped all over here. She's also thirty-five, good looking, and rakes in about fifteen million a year. You can look past the stamp. READ MORE

Every media mention about Alessandra Ambrosio is related to what she's wearing or how great she looks. Living in Spandex is absolutely the way to go through life if you can get away with it. You'll be out of... READ MORE

Alessandra Ambrosio is being lauded for taking her son shopping without wearing any make-up. Every seventh day models have to let their acne riddled skin go fallow. More noteworthy is the absence of her kid she took shopping. She... READ MORE

Why do men instinctively long for super high maintenance women? I know the answer, but this is a test. This chick always looks like a fucking handful of broody regret and emotional stroking. She’s topless selling shoes. This wasn’t... READ MORE

You couldn’t build a more perfect mom than a Brazilian chick in jean shorts wearing a vintage foreign AC/DC concert tee purchased yesterday at Barney’s. Her legs are easily eight furlongs. Her teeth are chiseled square for the perfect blow job... READ MORE

GQ used to be more subtle in its emasculation like going with your girl to see Pitch Perfect because you claim it will get you laid or trying on silk shirts thinking it makes you look gangster. The gloves are... READ MORE

It’s always a humdinger when some hot chick in a bikini disrespects the Stars and Stripes. According to my Farmer’s Almanac, this Danger Zone melange violates about seventeen different rules of treating Old Glory like the reverent symbol she... READ MORE

Alessandra Ambrosio is a constant reminder that if you’re handsome and wealthy you get to marry and have sex with tall attractive women. Also, you do exceedingly well with offers in 24 Hour Fitness saunas. This could be that... READ MORE

You don’t get the parent you want, you get the parent you need. If you see your mom hawking her tits outside a nightclub on Halloween in a devil costume, just know that she’s trying hard to keep you... READ MORE