Scheduling conflicts has to be the laziest public excuse ever for a celebrity breakup. It's less honest than 'that fucker gave me genital warts'. Also far less clickbait worthy.

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At some point we may want to stop interviewing supermodels, or at least admit that we're being condescending by pretending what they're saying isn't mostly garbage.

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Adriana Lima boxes in some skimpy workout clothes. She's selling something. Just say yes and save some hassle. Her vagina is sweating for God's sake. READ MORE

This video of Adriana Lima's hottest looks has got my pressure up. Fries and gravy has the same effect, only they label you a weirdo if you masturbate openly to the latter. READ MORE

Adriana Lima shows just how fit she is in a sports bra. It's pretty fit. Fit enough to make her one of the top paid models in the world. So it also comes off. READ MORE

Adriana Lima will take part in Olympics opening. She doesn't fear Zika because fear leads to hate which leads to suffering. Also, her tits are generously lubed in mosquito repellant. READ MORE

Adriana Lima has never taken a bad photo. Her mom's obstetrician saw Adriana in utero and got a boner. That's a hyperbole, but only by a little. READ MORE

Adriana Lima's job is to show up to events, strike a pose, and let guys imagine fucking her. The hours are rough, but the pay is good and virtual spooge doesn't leave any stains. READ MORE

I’m pretty sure the Advent is over. But who’s going to stop a bunch of foreign models from rolling around in lingerie like they’re back in the emir’s palace and somebody’s plucking a lute. Wait for the zither. Here... READ MORE

Adriana Lima is muy caliente. She makes my Latin blood boil in a good way, not in a have to take blood pressure medicine way. Check out her chichis in lingerie. (Last Men On Earth) Erin Heatherton is topless... READ MORE