Oprah Winfrey spackled a ton of makeup on and brought her gay husband and lesbian lover on the same vacation. Lacking basic self awareness, she also hired an overpaid photographer to document the whole thing. READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan is officially the youngest cougar on earth. It's almost like in porn where they only have teens and milfs. Certainly there should be an in between but apparently not. You just leap from one to the other. READ MORE

There's a pretty great irony in the fact that the dumbest people on earth have the strongest opinions on partisan politics. Nick Cannon is apparently a comedian. Really? Let's see some of your best work. READ MORE

There's a win/win and a lose/lose if your parents own an empire. Not much in between. Paris Hilton sucked a dong on camera. That's a lose. Elon Musk is fucking Amber Heard and thinks he's really fucking cool. READ MORE

Kanye West is still chillin' in the hospital so he can garner enough material to write a below average rap album touching on the whole thing. If you're such a genius, how come you couldn't outsmart the paramedics? READ MORE

Jason Derulo just sold his 11,000 square foot seven bedroom nine bathroom house in Florida for $1.9 million. Who is Jason Derulo? A guy who exists as a pop star in the sim world. The graphics on his beard... READ MORE

Slovenian president Borut Pahar has reached out to Menalia Trump to congratulate her for "raising visibility of our central-European country." First of all your name is pretty similar to Borat. That's not really a name joke, but a jab... READ MORE

Anthony Michael Hall seems like a pretty angry dude. Rumors abound around town about his temper. He turned down Farris Bueller's Day Off to become a serious actor, meaning a malcontent with a drinking problem. Probably mental. READ MORE

Amber Heard is a real life Marvel villain who is now up to some really shady shit involving Elon Musk. She might be working for the Russians, or she is a 500 year old avatar attempting to destroy humanity... READ MORE

Eric Aniva doesn't have your typical office job. He earns money as a "hyena man", which is someone who is hired to have sex with women and young girls to rid their body of evil spirits. It doesn't make... READ MORE