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Ben Affleck Can’t Win

December 14, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Ben Affleck revealed he took the part in the universally panned Batman vs Superman to redeem himself for his performance in the slightly less universally panned Daredevil. Are you even reading these scripts dude? READ MORE

Piers Morgan Shames Lady Gaga

December 14, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Piers Morgan is a shitty tabloid fuck boy yet even he is skeptical about Lady Gaga and Madonna's claims that they were raped. So are many other people, you're just not supposed to say that. They can't prove it... READ MORE

Kanye Meets With Trump

December 13, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Kanye West met with president elect Donald Trump. The two have a lot in common: An incredibly gay fixation with regality which extends to their fake titted whore wives. Bouts of narcissistic rage. Referring to themselves in glorified terms... READ MORE

Lady Gaga Praises Madonna

December 13, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Madonna won Woman of the Year at the Billboard Women In Music Awards. Not Female Artist of the Year. The greatest living woman. This is curious since she's obviously solidly below average on many levels. First of all, the... READ MORE

Bill Maher Tells Hillary To Go Away

December 13, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Bill Maher seems a bit full of himself and is the epitome of why people hate liberals. Nonetheless he usually makes good points. He was a pretty ruthless Hillary supporter, even during the Democrats somewhat criminal fixing of the... READ MORE

Shad Gaspard Subdues Angry Gunman

December 12, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Shad Gaspard used to compete in the WWE, which basically entails doing a bunch of drugs and being vaguely bisexual. He now lives in Florida as you'd expect, where rent is reportedly around $17 a month for a six... READ MORE

Barbara Walters Butt Hurt

December 12, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Barbara Walters thinks The View has been cheapened in recent years. Even more alarming, Walters believes herself to be a real journalist. 

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Mick Jagger’s 29 Year Old Girlfriend Gives Birth (Matt’s Take on The Crone)

December 9, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Through the aid of pharmaceutical technology and a shit load of money Mick Jagger impregnated this ballerina. She's 29. He's dead. You weren't going to continue ballet dancing forever, especially when the market for it doesn't exist. READ MORE

Blac Chyna Legally Wants To Be A Kardashian

December 9, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Blac Chyna legally married Rob Kardashian's sorrowful fat sap ass so she wants to file a trademark of her given name plus Kardashian the day after. Don't you feel like killing yourself for real now Rob? The other Kardashian... READ MORE

Santa Body Shames Fat Kid

December 9, 2016 | WTF | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

If Santa is telling you to lose weight you might have a problem, given that he himself is clinically obese. A nine year old North Carolina kid named Anthony Mayse went to visit Santa at the mall and told... READ MORE

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