Florida State quarterback and aspiring future ex-con Jameis Winston has been suspended for the first half of his next game because he stood on a table in the student union and screamed “Fuck her right in the pussy” multiple... READ MORE

The NFL’s Three Stooges stop motion scramble to cover its ass in the wake of the Ray Rice scandal involved some buffoonery with using a Rihanna song in the new pre game show. The NFL apparently planned to use... READ MORE

Dwight Howard was busted by red light cameras 9 times in 10 months for not waiting and just going through them, presumably on dark Florida nights headed for some parking lot blow jobs at the Chuck E Cheese. It’s... READ MORE

Warren Buffet had plans to walk Floyd Mayweather into the ring along with Justin Bieber and Wiz Khalifa during the most recent boring preordained Mayweather decision. But Buffet’s company kiboshed his bucket list bastardization. Not because Mayweather is a... READ MORE

Anheuser Busch, the official beer of both the NFL and spousal abuse, released a statement questioning the league’s handling of the encephalopathy victims it has created who are currently running amok. Anheuser took some time from their legal efforts... READ MORE

In light of a new marketing partnership between Apple and U2, 500 million users iCloud accounts had U2’s new album synched to them all by the process of waving a wand and yelling Shazam. All 500 million customers found this... READ MORE

Transcripts from Robin Thicke’s deposition in the lawsuit filed by Marvin Gaye’s family show Thicke to be a talentless lying scrub. Thicke says he was high on Vicodin and booze and just showed up at the studio to fart... READ MORE

Jay Z announced his wife is pregnant again or pretending to be pregnant or they found a surrogate willing to be killed after delivering the baby if her family can be airlifted out of Borneo or some shit. This... READ MORE

When Team America was receiving their gold medals for the FIBA Basketball World Cup, all the players suddenly broke out into that half assed dance people do when they’re spending EBT money on bottle service. Except for Derrick Rose,... READ MORE

The Ukrainian government designated Chernobyl as a tourist attraction in an attempt to bring in more foreign dollars to use in their futile fight to keep their best looking teenaged girls from going to work strip clubs in the West. Troves... READ MORE