John Mellencamp’s small town incest survivor anthem “Jack and Diane” was changed from its original version. Mellencamp recently stated the song was supposed to be about a black guy boning a white girl but the record company made him... READ MORE

A eighth grader in Weaverville, California was given detention because some jack booted cafeteria guard saw him give his chicken burrito to another kid. Sharing food is verboten in Weaverville because unlike what you learned on Barney, in Weaverville,... READ MORE

Charlie Sheen wants to return to Two And A Half Men as his former character who was killed off after Sheen left the show due to cocaine and later on, even more cocaine. Before being fired, Sheen blasted the... READ MORE

Gwyneth Paltrow still has her husband pussy whipped even though he’s getting hotter younger celebrity photo hacked pussy. Anonymous sources, who would have to be Paltrow’s upstairs gimp given the intimate knowledge, claims Paltrow drew up a schedule for Chris... READ MORE

Young Jeezy celebrated the success of his new album at an Atlanta night club by insuring he will have to cut a sloppy uninspired follow up in the near future to cover car notes. Jeezy reportedly dropped $35 k... READ MORE

Alaska news reporter Charlo Greene dropped an F bomb during her live on-air resignation. Besides her reporting gig, Greene owns a medical marijuana shop called The Alaska Cannabis Club, which she routinely threw into her suspiciously slanted reporting of... READ MORE

Recently crowned Miss America Kira Kazantsev was kicked out of her sorority while at Hofstra for excessive hazing of pledges while serving as the recruitment chairwoman for her Alpha Phi sorority Pledges in the incoming class were called names, berated... READ MORE

Mike Tyson reportedly halted traffic on a blood and tears slicked freeway from L.A. to Vegas to assist a crashed motorcyclist. Tyson was able to stop speeding eager gamblers simply by craning his neck to reveal the obnoxious Ed... READ MORE

Porn day player Missy Martinez is pissed her vibrator started shooting sparks near her pussy during a porn scene and is reaching out to anyone who cares. She claims her Hitachi vibrator/eggbeater flared up when plugged into her diesel... READ MORE

In a jarringly subtle Fuck You to the American male public, Tom Brady posted his dusty never used resume on Facebook. Brady’s credentials include schlepping coffee with his balls tucked in at Merrill Lynch and hawking golf equipment at... READ MORE