Paris Hilton is the latest victim in one of the stupidest practical jokes going on in Hollywood — swatting. Some tool cals the cops and says somebody is breaking into a celebrity home and they send the SWAT team... READ MORE

Halle Berry doesn’t have real tits, but she has spectacular tits, which is more important than real. What truly is real in this world? Organic food? It’s grown with shit, literally. Reality TV is entirely fake. The last bout... READ MORE

I’ve learned over time to ignore the first half of whatever a celebrity says. Unlike a politician or a priest, where it’s best to ignore it all, or Socrates, when it’s wise to listen from the get-go, with celebrities,... READ MORE

I think chick magazines are better in foreign countries. I’ve glanced at my fair share of U.S. ladies magazines. Every time I get a molar crowned at the dentist I’m perusing a female picture book, because men’s magazines long... READ MORE

Ashley Sky either came from Brazil, or suburban Cleveland, depending on who you believe, but she’s hot and she turned herself into an Internet star. She’s like a 2013 version of Cindy Margolis I suppose, but you don’t have... READ MORE

I used to love Kaley Cuoco. But something is happening that I’m none too pleased with. Kaley Cuoco is getting less hot. I’m thinking maybe it’s me. Perhaps you can only stare at a woman’s chest for so long... READ MORE

When we hate a girl who is dying for public adoration, we call her an attention whore. When a hot girl we likes pulls much of the same shit, we just watch and applaud and call her daring. I... READ MORE

There comes a time in every suburban mom’s life when she says, ‘What the fuck, I’m wearing that bikini to the beach today’. I’m mostly guessing, I have no clue how suburban moms think outside of becoming moist over... READ MORE

First, let me say, there’s nothing wrong with being overweight. I read that once in a Jenny Craig brochure, which seems ironic, since Jenny makes billions pretending to cure customers of this condition. But, if you’re a teen actress... READ MORE

Should Americans be worried that we’re outsourcing all of our bikini modeling jobs? I didn’t say anything when we lost machine tool & dye, and plastics rotocasting, and the Sports Illustrated subscription call center. Boom. Now I have to... READ MORE