Katy Perry’s Boobs Ought to Be Enough

Every time I see a girl that John Mayer nailed, all I can think of is John Mayer in a sombrero and a smug smile banging them silly. I don’t really think this way about anybody else. Maybe it’s because John Mayer is such a self-satisfied lucky bastard, or maybe because the girls he brings into his circle of passion are just so good looking, but it drives me nuts. For instance, right now, I can barely appreciate Katy Perry’s career making tits. I should be just staring at them wondering how many times Katy rubs the soap over them in the shower well after they’re obviously clean. I should be thinking about her trying on bras at a naughty boutique to see which silky undergarment teases her nipples ever so perfectly. But, no, all I can think about is a dude spoon feeding himself organic quinoa while Katy Perry lies beneath him with her eyes closed praying to her Lord to keep her world safe from the Jews. John Mayer ruins everything.

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