Gwyneth Paltrow Isn’t Just Beautiful, She’s the Most Beautiful Fucking Creature Ever!!!!

Back in the day you had to offer your readers something of journalistic value to be called a magazine. Like Time or The New Yorker or Swank. But now you can kiss the ass of a female celebrity to score a front cover article by naming her the world’s most beautiful woman and pretend it’s for real. The card I got for my 4th birthday from my Nana that says ‘World’s Greatest Grandson’ carries more official weight. It’s not that Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t a reasonably attractive woman, and it’s not that whoever got named we wouldn’t be arguing over, but this is just so obvious. It’s like telling a girl at a bar at 1:30 am that muffin tops are super sexy on a lady. Just get the fuck out.

For her part, Gwyneth Paltrow reminds everyone in People that she’s just a humble gal who wears jeans and t-shirts around the house and let’s on that ‘her family makes her feel beautiful. Wow, Gwyneth. You are the World’s Most Beautiful Woman, Inside and Out.

(P.S. I love that a bunch of you wrote letters to us bitching about this decision. You are right. I’d rather nail Amanda Knox, at least we know she likes to get freaky.)