Chris Brown Tries Not to Be a Dick, Fails

People who point to Chris Brown beating on Rihanna as the sign of his douchebaggery just aren’t digging deep enough. Chris Brown is a shit stain on so many levels, hitting a woman only scratches the surface. But is Chris really to blame or does life just keep throwing him curveballs?

What’s a top bottom verstaile R&B star to do when your bodyguard is not giving you respect? You’ve got to kick his ass off your private jet refueling in Bermuda. Pal or no pal, your bodyguard has to give you your propers. Did he forget somewhere over the Atlantic that you’re the fucking Chris Brown?

And when a valet at a kids’ bowling alley charity event asks you for $10 to cover your parking, you’ve got to get your up in his grill and lay some knowledge on him as to who he’s fucking with. Did he not see your signature diamond earring studs? Dumbass valet. You’re lucky you didn’t get capped.

Someday, Chris Brown is going to get his comeuppance. Hopefully it won’t be a bullet through his arm by Jimmy from Degrassi or some shit like that where he gets to brag about his gangster lifestyle . More like a deep bowel ass-raping by an escaped Russian circus bear. That’s hard to spin into street cred.