CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO HAVE SEX

It makes sense that Madonna would draw up a contract telling Guy Ritchie he had to have sex with her, because of course she would, the only surprising part is that she didn’t make it legally binding.  The Sun UK says…

The document detailed how many dates the couple should go on and how often they should have sex.It stated that Guy had to “work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing” and ordered him to devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge.It even had instructions on what words Guy should use during rows “to resolve conflicts in a constructive way”.Guy, 40, was instructed never to shout at Madge, 50, but instead look her in the eye and say: “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.”The marriage rules said both parties must “devote time to our sexual expressiveness” and “not use sex as a stick to beat one another”.Sources said Madonna pinned the contract up in their New York home after they saw marriage counsellors two years ago, and would say to her husband, “Contract, Guy, contract” if he broke the rules.

The only way Madonna could be any less appealing as a wife/girlfriend is if turns out she has a penis.  And it was bigger than mine.  And we counted and discovered she's nailed more teen girls with it.