JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT LOOKS GREAT

Keep in mind that black is slimming as you look at Jennifer Love Hewitts giant ass (bigger pic here).  This is her in a flattering color, yesterday on the set of her dumb TV show.  This poor costume designer must be about to kill herself.  All she can do is black capes.  There’s only so many variations on that before you accidentally put her in a Batman costume.  She looks normal from the shoulders up, but everything just goes out in every direction from there, like an upside down ice cream cone.  What is she supposed to wear?  Put her in white and she looks like a wedding cake.  Brown with a red hat?  Volcano.  Red and green?  Christmas tree.  And her feet are tiny, so when she wears black heels, she's like a little piglet, teetering on its hoof.So yeah, keep it up.  Keep insisting you’re a size 4 Jenn.  Keep saying it.  Keep making every 15-year-old who is a size 6 think she’s a fat ass, and while you're doing that, I’ll put a turkey on a string on your front porch, then lure you out of your house as you chase the turkey, waddling across the yard and saying “come back Turkey, come back!” as I take a thousand pictures.