JESSICA SIMPSON MIGHT BE DRUNK

During the last week of March, Jessica Simpson spent 5 days in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after receiving treatment for a kidney infection (more here).  Now Star magazine says it wasn’t just an infection, but problems brought about by months of hard drinking.  Star says…

Reps for the singer said she was being treated for a "kidney infection," but an insider tells Star it was more than that. Jessica's health problems were "brought on by drinking an obscene amount of alcohol," says the source. "She was treated for a kidney infection, a bladder infection and a urinary tract infection."Adding to her distress, anxious Jessica asked doctors to give her a pregnancy test! "She was a nervous wreck," says the insider. "She was three weeks late and convinced she was pregnant. She was feeling really weak and really scared. She was unraveling."

See, all medical tests do is stress everybody out.  That’s why I go to gypsy psychics instead.  Turns out I'm STD free, AND I’m gonna get that raise!

(if you're wondering, that picture is like 3 years old.  just like that joke)