BRITNEY IS ON TOP OF THE WORLD

Yesterday afternoon, two conservators were named to manage the estate of Britney Spears, meaning they are now in control of all of her financial holdings, including real estate, all assets, all savings and income.  This is done when it is deemed a person is no longer fit to make those decision for themselves.  The two conservators are her father Jamie and his attorney Andrew Wallette, and they have the power to revoke any recent contracts and even change the locks on her house.  Needless to say, Britney is just thrilled.  OK! says:

In a heavy British accent, an irate Britney Spears made two phone calls from UCLA's psych ward just before 8:45 p.m. PT on Friday night. Britney was screaming at the top of her lungs (about her parents), "I'm so sick of all this! They can have the God Damn house and stick it up their fucking asses! Actually, no they can't." Britney reportedly sounded drugged up on the phone and was furious that her dad had been made conservator of her estate. At times, she was impossible to understand–at one point screaming "Nobody's taking my house. Who is my family?"Britney went on to say that she did not want her parents near her home and that she would go to court to fight them.  (She was also) under the impression that she was getting out of the hospital tonight.

I don't know who Andre Wallette is, but he could be a 20 story robot programmed to kill and fueled by bars of gold and he'd still be a better choice to handle the money than Jamie Spears.  To recap, Jamie Spears is the guy who raised two girls.  One is in a psyche ward, the other is pregnant at 16.  So naturally the court just handed him 250 million dollars, a fitting reward for Excellence in the Field of Parenting Awesomeness.  Jamie will turn the kitchen into a funnel cake store and the backyard into a greased pig chasing racetrack by Sunday afternoon at the very, very latest.