MARY KATE IS PROFOUND, SEXXXY

Somehow Mary Kate Olsen has been entangled in the death of Heath Ledger since the very beginning.  The earliest reports said that they were dating or that Mary Kate owned the apartment Heath was found in or that she was the last one to see him alive.  None of those turned out to be true, but she was the first one called after he was found and they were seemingly friends, and now – just a short 72 hours later – Mary Kate has issued a statement.

"Heath was a friend. His death is a tragic loss. My thoughts are with his family during this very difficult time.”

Wow.  That was touching.  I cried twice just reading it.  I can see now why it took that silver tongued devil three days, it's important to get the words just right.  With any luck the family can sweet talk her into doing his wake.  "Heath was nice.  That's him over there.  Thank you."