DONALD TRUMP IS A GOOD TIPPER

Please know that if you're a sorority girl and you write an email and tell me to put something on the page, I'll probably do it.  Because sorority girls are hot, and they usually put out.  Fuck, if you want me to stand in your sorority house living room so you can whack golf balls at me, I'll probably do that too, because I figure there's at least a 98 percent chance a panty pillow fight will break out or you'll decide you need to practice French kissing on one another.  This email is from Leslie, who I heard can tie a cherry stem into a knot with just her tongue.

My friend works at the Buffalo Club in Santa Monica. A couple days ago Donald Trump came in and left him a $10,000 tip! My friends think he's just trying to promote his celebrity Apprentice but whatever. He told me Donald hardly even talked to him until the end when he asked, "What's the biggest tip you ever got?" I guess Jerry Bruckheimer comes in a lot and once tipped him $500 on a $1000 tab. Trump just wanted to show he's got the biggest dick!

I hope that last part is just an expression, because you're not allowed to just drop your dick on a table in the middle of a restaurant.  Trust me.  Saying "I got your tip right here, honey" only makes it worse.