BRITNEY BRITNEY BRITNEY!!!

BLACKOUT IS BOMBING – After a disappointing debut, the sales of Britney Spears album "Blackout" have plummeted.  It sold roughly 290,000 copies in week one, but is on pace for less than 100,000 units in week two.  It now sits at number 30 on the Amazon Top 100.   Tomorrow, Alicia Keyes album comes out (Fox calls it, "a picture of young genius that's reminiscent of Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye or even Aretha.") and that should pretty much finish off Britney.  Alicia replaces the temptation of fresh baked cookies, which was the last thing to finish off Britney.     BRITNEY TESTED POSITIVE FOR DRUGS – Several reports online claim that Britney Spears failed one of the few drug tests she actually took (she missed 8 of her first 14).  At first, sources said the failed test was the result of a false positive and that Britney actually passed.  Others in Britney's camp said there were drugs in her system but only ones prescribed by a doctor, specifically Provogil (more on that here).  They insisted there was no alcohol or illegal drugs.  But, alas, it turns out that Britney is given a very generic drug test, and  the presence of Provigil would not be detected.  But you know what is detected by her drug test?  Drugs.  You could show her pictures of drugs as a test and she'd fail that.  "Did that one, did that one, yep, uh-huh, did it in the car … oh wait, no, I mean, whhaaaat, what are those, I didna do nothin…"

BRITNEY IS A MENACE ON THE ROAD – Kevin Federlines lawyer has requested the video shot by Splash Online showing Britney running a red light last week while her kids and court appointed monitor were in the car.  Britney also appears to be sending a text message on her cell phone as she does it.  Federlines attorney is expected to use this as further evidence that Britney is an unfit parent.  And if this doesn't do it, I don't know what will.  She doesn't even understand colors.