BRITNEY BRITNEY BRITNEY!!!

It's been Britney madness all week so far.  The 2008s are on their way and now we gotta deal!  We must be crazy to have this much Britney, at prices this low!!!KFED GOT BEAT UP BY A GIRL – Kevin Federline has slain that dragon named dignity and apparently reported that Britney hit him several times during their marriage, and now he fears she'll hit the kids as well.  Also one time he had a scary dream, and had to be rushed to the ER on a gurney.  It's not entirely clear when he made this shocking confession, but it's safe to say he was wearing a bra and panties at the time.

BRITNEYS DAD WANTS HER COMMITTED – Jamie Spears (the dad, not the sister) has consulted lawyers about staging an "intervention" to get Britney into therapy.  "He is consulting lawyers about the best way to help Britney.  He feels they need to stage an intervention to get her into rehab or some kind of therapy.  He is worried she is going to harm herself or the boys."  Although not technically a representative of the Spears family, I consulted several cartoons and learned one good way to get her attention is to bonk her on the head with things.  I didn't see them use rocks but I imagine that would work.  I think rocks will work.  I hope rocks work, because that's what I plan on using.BRITNEY GOT ROBBED.  OR NOT – Last Friday night, or actually Saturday morning, Britney called the Beverley Hills police saying her home had been broken into and robbed.  It was reported that several homemade sex tapes, naked pictures and costumes Britney allegedly wore for kinky sex games were stolen.  Other sources say the police arrived but couldn't find any evidence of a break-in.

Whatever.  What the cops should be looking into is how this little piggy got this much damn coffee all over her dress.  She has a 200,000 dollar car that drives like it's on rails but for some reason she still gets food all over her like she rides around on a bronco or roller coaster.