BRITNEY MIGHT LOSE CUSTODY TODAY

Britney Spears could lose custody of her two sons as early as this morning, thanks to a secret witness that has already testified with damning evidence against Spears, possibly concerning her drug use.  The witnesses testimony will be admitted into evidence at 8:30am in Los Angeles. Fox News says:

The judge in the closed hearing case has the declaration and does not have to rule on it. He can simply read it and enter it into the case’s existing papers. The only way the witness would testify is under cross examination. In other words, the declaration has already served as testimony. It would only be if Spears’ side decided to question that the witness would be asked to speak.Allred, who is often embroiled in very public cases, means business here by the way. She’s kept the witness’ identity a “secret” so as not to start a publicity war. But when the declaration was filed on Friday, Spears and her attorney Laura Wasser would have learned his name. I am assured the person in question is not a drug dealer, and that his credentials will hold up if examined in court.“You may recognize him as we walk into court,” Allred told me. “But maybe not. He is not famous. He’s just someone who’s concerned about the kids.”

It's hard not to think this won't be disappointing.  Nothing is probably gonna happen.  The secret witness won't be Santa or something.  The prisons in this country aren't exactly filled with rich people, because they don’t lose court cases.  If it gets ugly, I would just bury a bunch of black kids in Kevin's backyard.  And then fake some video that proves that Kevin Federline is the Zodiac Killer.  I have to imagine I would win that case.