THOSE ABS ARE FAKE

Somehow a five minute performance four days ago has fueled a hundred news stories, and now make it a hundred and one, because as tubby as Britney looked, she apparently should have looked even tubbier.  Us magazine says:

Britney Spears didn’t end up working with Criss Angel on her VMA comeback performance, but her stage show was certainly full of illusions. Her lip-syncing was meant to give her the appearance of an actual singer, and her spray-on tan was supposed to make it look like she’d spent hours in the gym (as opposed to the bar).“She had an ab-defining spray tan preshow to create the illusion of more tone,” a source tells Us. Well, we know how that turned out.

I'm gonna go ahead and suggest that Britney's confidence in the miraculous healing power of dye in a can is misplaced.  No amount of two toned bronzer is gonna make that bacon based lump look like Elle McPherson.  Similarly, painting racing stripes on you won't make you faster and orange and black tiger paint won't give you tiger related prowess.  (cut to britney, naked in the jungle, cans of orange and black paint in her hands. "do what now…")