BRITNEY LOOKED LIKE A FAT PIG

According to Us magazine, the reason Britney Spears looked so awkward and self-conscious Sunday night at the MTV Music Awards in Las Vegas is because she could see herself on monitors throughout the room and she thought she looked fat and out of shape.  Us says:

No one was more shocked watching Britney Spears' performance at MTV’s Video Music Awards in Las Vegas on Sunday night than the 25-year-old popstar herself.“She was also able to see video of herself throughout the auditorium,” a backstage source tells Us Weekly. “She flipped out. She came running off the stage, yelling ‘Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!’ She was inconsolable.”

I'm here to help, so in that spirit I like to mention that people seem to like pigs.  Pigs are funny!  They're all pink and they have that little corkscrew tail.  Plus, pigs are like superheros to the Jews, who many call gods chosen people.  Then, there's the half pig, half giraffe – Girrafapig! In a world gone mad … something something something … GIRRAFAPIG! Half pig! Half giraffe! All action!

(by the way, did Us really have to name that page "brit_fat_pig"?  jesus christ.)