BRITNEY IS GONNA BLOW YOUR MIND

When I think about electrifying and sexy performers, I picture a tubby mother of two, kinda hopping back and forth, one hand on her wig so it doesn't fall off, and gasping for air because her lungs are covered in nicotine.  So needless to say, I'm pretty excited about Britney's big comeback performance on the MTV Video Awards.  Us magazine says:

Of primary importance: her collaboration with Criss Angel on an opening act for MTV’s Video Music Awards, which she reportedly presented to network reps on August 27.“She’s planning it to be a big comeback performance,” says a Spears insider, who adds that the goal is to make it “shocking.”One early idea that was canned?Performing “My Prerogative” amid a medley of hits, as images of exes Justin Timberlake, 26, and Kevin Federline, 29, and other gossip fodder flashed on a screen behind her.

That would have been a good idea.  Because people like it when rich people brag about how they can endanger their kids and flash their kitty and smash into other people cars and attack people with umbrellas if they want too.  It's their prerogative.  Get it?  Maybe some other clips could show her in blackface eating a watermelon or fishing for sharks with kittens on hooks or maybe selling enriched uranium to al Queda.  Or is her truth too real for you?