JOSH DUHAMEL IS DESPERATE

Josh Duhamel is starring in "Transformers" which just made 246 million dollars worldwide in its first week of release and his girlfriend Fergie just played the main stage at Live Earth in London this weekend, so life must be perfect for these two, right?  Uhh…

"Every night at around 11 p.m., someone pulls up in front of their home in L.A., rolls down the car windows and plays 'London Bridge' really loud," a pal of the couple laughs.

It's probably someone paid by Josh to interrupt right when Fergie thinks she's about to get laid.  God knows I'd paid any amount.  It would be "London Bridge" one night, police helicopters the next, then I'd have a guy dressed as Bigfoot go through the garbage, then someone would call saying I have cancer.  Whatever it takes.  Poor Josh.  Fergie probably steps out from the bathroom, back lit, wearing a bra and panties, thinkin she's all hot but really she looks like a gremlin made out of leather, and Josh is frantically pushing a button under the end table to signal the dude to play the song.  "Aww damn baby, I better go see what that commotion is.  This may take several dozen hours…"