LINDSAY LOHAN IS A HARDASS

Lee Weaver has been Lindsay Lohans bodyguard for the past two years, but quit recently because it was too dangerous.  Not that the threats against Lindsay were too dangerous, but that Lindsay was too dangerous.  Among other awesome things, the News of the World says Lindsay:

Attacked a gun-wielding cocaine dealer for ripping her off, Snorted line after line with Simple Life star Nicole Richie in a TEN-HOUR binge, Slashed her wrists with knives, sobbing that she "didn't belong on this planet", enjoyed frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls she picked up at parties — and even made a play for chart star Mariah Carey.

A direct quote from Weaver:

"I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood — but never anyone as out of control as Lindsay is.  She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I've met."

The final straw came when she attacked a coke dealer:

"In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she'd go alone — so I took her.  He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short.He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down.  I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around."

Everything you need to know about the pussies in Hollywood is that Lindsay Lohan apparently runs the streets.  And until other actors muster up the courage to take back the night, she’ll continue to bully Hollywood into submission.  She's like Tony Soprano, but with big tits and a less ambiguous ending.