PARIS WAS BLINDSIDED

This came in Friday and it's a completely unsubstantiated email and everything in it should be treated as such, but it's going up anyway because what this person wrote rings true. Considering what happened in court Friday, it just feels true:

I work for one of the attorneys representing Paris Hilton, and today has been endless but I wanted to drop you a line with some inside dish. You probably noticed that Sunday night Paris was cool and collected on the red carpet at MTV yet today she was a screaming maniac, even though in both cases she was on the verge of 23 days in jail. So why the change? Well, the fact is the deal was set up last week that Paris would get out in three days. She went nuts today because she thought she was out. She was shaking because she couldn’t believe this was happening to her. She was supposed to get out. It was all arranged. She was confident and smiley Sunday night because she knew she only had to do three days in a private cell and then she was out. Hm, not so much I guess. Couldn’t happen to a nicer girl.

Aww. This is so sad. Delicate flowers like me and Paris don't belong among hardened criminals. Like one time I tried to make friends with some unseemly types so I ran a dog fighting ring, but the only dogs I could find were basset hounds. The fight began and they both just sat in the pit for about 45 seconds, then one leaned over and gave the other one a kiss. Then one went "rooowrrorooowr". It really didn't gain me as much street cred as I imagined.