NICOLE RICHIE IS PATRIOTIC

InTouch has gotten a copy of the email invitations Nicole Richie sent to her friends for her Memorial Day party this past weekend, and it's every bit as respectful and dignified as you might imagine:

My fellow Americans its that time of yearTo celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beerLets stand together as one, live the American dreamTake shots, pass out, and wake up with our pants ripped open at the seemsLets glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeansEven though we have no fucking clue what Memorial Day really means!!There will be a scale at the front door.  No girls over 100 pounds allowed in.  Start starving yourself now.  See you all then!!!

On KIIS FM in LA this morning, Nicole said it was all a joke to make fun of tabloid stories that she has an eating disorder, so apparently I don't have a sophisticated enough sense of humor to appreciate her wry social observations.  Who is she, Mark Twain, now?  It may or may not be illegal to kill people when they are as awful as Nicole Richie, I don't know, I'm not a lawyer, but if it is, I'll just roll up in court with this picture and when the judge says, "Why did you do it," I'll walk over to the jury with the picture behind my back and say, "Because your honor, Nicole Richie is … EL CHUPACABRA!!!”  And I'll whip the picture out and everyone will gasp, and the judge will bang his gavel and scream "CASE DISMISSED" as pandemonium breaks out in the courtroom.