LINDSAY WONT BE CHARGED

A little over a month ago, Lindsay Lohan visited a friend who was house-sitting for a girl named Lauren Hastings, a 22 year old model/actress, whom Lindsay was also casual friends with.  The next day, according to sources, Lohan told the house sitting friend that she left some things behind, so the friend gave Lohan the run of the place.  This, according to Hastings, is when Lohan stole over 10,000 dollars in clothes and jewelry.  When Hastings came home and found her things missing, she immediately got in touch with Lohan to ask for them back.  Then, Star said:

…at least one Lohan pal said the starlet responded by laughing uproariously. "Lindsay just told her she was delusional and claimed Lauren didn't know what she was talking about. She insisted the items weren't stolen because they did not belong to her. Then she'd laughed to her friends about it. She thought the whole thing was hysterical," a source said. Lindsay texted Lauren that she was a fat bitch, a friend of Lauren's says. Nicole Richie also chimed in, a source said, and told Lauren that Lindsay would return the clothes after they cut them up!"Nicole wrote that she and Lindsay were going to cut holes in Lauren's jeans because Lauren was so fat and her jeans didn't fit," our source notes. "Then Nicole told Lauren that if she went to the cops, she would regret it!" our insider said.

The point to all this is that police announced today they will not press charges against Lohan.  A spokesperson says they investigated the claims but could not find sufficient proof to press charges.  People reports:

"The bottom line is that Lohan can't be shown to have been seen either taking or to have been later in possession of missing items and items she can be shown to have possessed were with [the housesitter's] permission," Deputy District Attorney Greg Somes wrote in the rejection notice, the AP reports.

It's obviously impossible to know for sure what happened here, and I think all we can know for certain is that Lindsay is 100 percent guilty and did everything she is accused of here.  It just seems bratty and spoiled enough and 10,000 dollars is nothing to her so this seems like something she would do.  Must be nice to have that kind of coin.  I will too, as soon as I perfect the unipanda.  I splice the genes of a unicorn and a panda to get a magical teddy bear lookin thingy.  Every kid in the world will want one.  And I suspect the gays too.  Whatever, I'm not here to judge, man.  Just give me 10,000 dollars and you can do whatever the fuck you want to it.