JESSICA IS A PUSSYCAT DOLL?

Us magazine says that Jessica Simpson will host a special performance by the Pussycat Dolls at their lounge inside of PURE nightclub in Las Vegas.  Presumably, this means Jess will wear traditional Pussycat gear, including tight leather and fishnets, like previous hosts Eva Longoria, Denise Richards, Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson have.  Us says:

Sex-crazed men of the world rejoice: Jessica Simpson is getting back to her cleavage-baring ways … Simpson will don her naughty-wear May 4 when she plays host to a special performance by the Pussycat Dolls at the scantily-clad group's themed lounge at PURE nightclub in Las Vegas. "This is a chance for her to be sexy again and back in the spotlight," a club source tells us.

Jessica doesn’t even look that great lately, but she’s still eleventy billion times hotter than the Pussycat Dolls, so they really might wanna reconsider.  These little shows are sort of like a competition to see who can be the sexiest, and these trannies keep inviting chicks way way hotter than they are.  It's like if an army of monkeys took on the regular army. No matter what cute tricks the monkey army can do, like riding a skateboard and clapping, the regular army can do that too. Plus they have enormous guns. And looking cute in a suit and fedora isn't gonna make you any less likely to explode when the bullets hit you. So, to recap, the Pussycat Dolls are exactly like an army of monkeys.  Thank you.