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April 2, 2007 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments
I don’t know who tricked Britney Spears into wearing this cockamamie thing to a Lakers game last night, but you can bet they’re laughing like a madman right now. God she’s a fuckin mess. Her glasses are dumb and her skin is a wreck. She's visually offensive from head to toe, but maybe I'm overreacting because I’m so handsome. In fact, supermodels spent so much time pawing at me and giving me oral sex against my will that I eventually had to start dipping my penis in that apple bitter stuff you buy at the pet store for puppies. The ladies – I am like sugar to them!