BRITNEY SPEARS IS CURED!

Britney Spears will be leaving rehab this week, and TMZ is calling her recovery “one of the most amazing turnarounds in celebrity memory“.   It's hard to tell if they’re being sarcastic, but to Britney's credit, Thursday will mark one full month in rehab.  She entered Promises on February 22nd and has stayed there almost continuously for the past four weeks.  TMZ adds:

Britney and soon-to-be ex Kevin Federline had an "amazing meeting" on Sunday. They are not only getting along, they are hammering out the terms of custody. We're told when Britney gets out, she and Kevin have agreed to a 50/50 split with physical custody of their two children. The plan is for Britney to eventually gain primary custody and Kevin will have visitation.  We're told she has literally turned her life around.

She god damn well better not turn her life around.  I like her just the way she is.  The making out with a guy in the bushes at the tennis match was a good start.  Maybe later she can steal her rivals boyfriend at Club Paradise or fall in love with a French Prince, or other plots stolen from a Sweet Valley High book.