BRITNEY SPEARS IS EASY

UK paper the Daily Star says that Britney Spears was caught getting intimate in the bushes of her rehab center with … um … some dude.  The unknown man is also a patient at Promises in Malibu and the two were playing a game of tennis when suddenly they disappeared.  They were later found “frolicking in the foliage of the grounds and had to be separated by security staff”.  Sources say:

"The next thing they had sneaked off into the bushes and were getting pretty passionate. They weren't actually having sex but there was definitely some groping. We had to step in to separate them.  They were told off. They're in rehab and relationships between vulnerable people aren't really encouraged."

Man, that shit is hot.  What a lucky guy.  Just imagine Britney, adjusting her wig and gasping for air after spastically flailing around on a tennis court, still kinda tubby and covered in sweat, complaining about line calls because she’s real bitchy from the detox.  I think we're close enough now for me to admit that this story gave me a raging hard-on.  I didn't even notice but I started to take my clothes off just typing it.