JESSICA SIMPSON NEEDS HELP, BRA

Normally to say I’m disappointed in seeing this much of Jessica Simpson’s boobs would be like a bear saying he’s disappointed that you gave him a pot of honey, but god this girl needs a lift quick.  She said once that she planned on getting plastic surgery if her chest ever started to sag, so I’m assuming that means by this afternoon.  Is her bathroom in outer space or some other zero-gravity environment?  How does she not see this?  Fucking Jessica would be like having a basset hound climb on top of you.  If you’re rich and famous and rich you owe it to me – me personally – to get alarmingly huge implants and only eat cigarettes and black coffee until you're creepy skinny. I’ll write a bitchy piece of shit about you then too, but at least I’ll be masturbating while I do it.