EVAN RACHEL WOOD AND MARILYN MANSON?

Just weeks after separating from some nobody, former something or other Marilyn Manson is now dating some chick.  Umm, 19-year-old actress Evan Rachel Wood.  Whoever the hell that is.  Manson is 38.  I can only imagine the shock I would feel if I knew who any of these people were or why they were famous.  Thankfully People magazine does, and they say,

…his relationship with the Thirteen actress was a factor in the Dec. 29 divorce filing by Dita Von Teese, 34, Manson's wife of one year.  "Dita is heartbroken, she didn't see this coming," says a source close to the burlesque dancer and MAC cosmetics model.

Dear God I hope the rest of the day isn't like this.  There might as well be stories about my paperboy.  The only interesting thing related to this dates back to this blind item that the New York Post ran seven months ago:

"Which Hollywood hellcat supposedly has a sick sexual fetish for something called the 'Donkey Punch?' The starlet was having sex with a much-older boyfriend a while back and begged her shocked bedmate to 'hit me in the face' at the peak of their passionate lovemaking."

That was reportedly about Wood when she was dating Ed Norton.  He was 36, she was 18 and confused about what rough sex really is.  Girls seem to think rough sex is when a handsome stranger with a long wind swept mane of hair rips open her blouse, then covers her eyes with a velvet blindfold and feeds her strawberries on a pirate ship.  A more realistic scenario is for the princess to say "donkey punch" because she heard it on Sex and the City one time, then she hears a pop, then everything gets dark, then she wakes up 15 hours later wondering why her asshole hurts.