THE SCARIEST THING YOULL SEE ALL DAY

November 14, 2006 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

I tried to soften the blow by headlining with a picture of Jessica Simpson and her kick ass rack, but I'm pessimistic even that will be enough. And Jessica Simpson is short with blond hair and big boobs, which in my world, makes her so perfect I have a fiberglass version of her on my lawn at Christmas. But, okay, here we go – Michael Jackson. Yikes. I'm almost positive you could legally kill him as long as you stake him in the heart. And I know I've said before that such-and-such was the most horrifying things I'd ever seen, but please understand that that was before I saw his hands. As if a hand stirring a roofie into applesauce wasn't creepy enough, now picture it being this hand. I'd rather have a beehive around my penis than that thing.

Tags: michael jackson

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