LINDSAY LOHAN HAS A SEX TAPE?

For about a week now, a website called 'scenesfromacar' has offered what they claim to be the audio of a sex act featuring a well known star, who they describe only as “a regular in US Weekly, high seven figure salary per film“.  That star is Lindsay Lohan.  Or maybe not.  But probably.  Just do the math, man.  The site says:

It all started when I was walking near the sound tent and my buddy waived me over, smiling and chuckling to himself.  He handed me a pair of headphones and informed me that (the actresses) mic was still on … she gets into a vehicle and shares some sweet talk with a guy.  I thought she had a boyfriend, but I don’t recognize this guy’s voice … There is some rustling, then the vehicle door opens … She reclines the seat and gets back in.  Skip ahead, here is some more sweet talk, then some more rustling, then they start kissing and so forth … THEN, for twelve minutes and forty seven seconds, she gives him the sexiest blow job I have ever heard capped off by the words “Yeah, cum”. 

Lindsays legend lives on!  I didn't post this last week after brave brave Robert valiantly braved a series of dangerous tasks, each more grueling than the last, and sent it in, because I was hoping to hear back from the website after several emails.  I never did, so who knows if this is even real.  All we know for sure is that this is 100 percent real and that it is Lindsay Lohan.  Man, she sure does love fuckin people.  Her lungs must be amazing at this point.  In fact I heard she can survive underwater for three days.

(btw, told you Linds was getting tubby.  Someone needs to get back on the coke.  Or start wearing stripes.  And I don't mean vertical stripes, I mean racing stripes, maybe that will help her move faster and lose that double chin.)

SUPER SEXY UPDATE –  Whatever you do, don't play reader Comron in poker.  The dude is like a deductive genius or something.  He points out that the clue on the page might mean the girl in the tape isn't Lindsay, but maybe Scarlett Johansson, another girl who fit's the bill and has a very distinctive voice  Comron writes, "At the bottom of the page it says, 'For those that wanted a hint (infer what you will from this)'.  Then it shows a red A.  A red 'A' is the Scarlet letter."