KIRSTIE ALLEY IS ALMOST NAKED

Kirstie Alley will appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show on Monday in a bikini, as a testament to her weight loss on the Jenny Craig diet plan.  The show has its origins in an episode of Oprah almost exactly one year ago, when Alley was inspired by another guest who lost 70 pounds to become Miss Bikini America.  Alley says:

“At my age, can you really turn your body into a bikini body without having surgery?  This is an experiment … I’d like to prove to myself and maybe other women my age that there can still be good years ahead of us, maybe even the best."

If you laid me in a guillotine, and then threatened to kill me if I gave the wrong answer, then said "other than Kirstie Alley in a bikini, what's the last thing on earth you ever want to see", I would still probably blurt out Kirstie Alley in a bikini.  Ignore the version you see in commercials.  That version doesn't really exist.  She's an absolute monster (seriously).  This episode of Oprah should be renamed “Saw 4”.  Honest to god, I'd rather watch baby kangaroos in a minefield than Kirstie Alley in a bikini.  There's no way that could be any more haunting.