HiILARY DUFF IS IN DANGER! MORTAL DANGER!

Hilary Duff fears for her life because she and boyfriend Joel Madden are being stalked by two men, according to court papers filed yesterday.  One is a homeless 19-year-old Russian immigrant known only as "Max" who came to the United States for the expressed purpose of "meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff."  TMZ says,

The court documents state the man "admitted to being 'obsessed' with her, has stated his intention of 'removing' his 'enemies' (i.e., those who prevent him from being with her), has stated his intention of purchasing a weapon, and has threatened to kill himself and to engage in dramatic actions to get her attention."  According to the documents, Max "has stated his belief that Hilary is in love with him and that Joel Madden stands in their way."

The other man is a 50-year-old paparazzi photographer named David Joseph Klein.  Klein and "Max" live together.

The documents state, "Over the past six weeks, the defendants have engaged in an accelerated effort to make contact with Hilary, including visits to her neighborhood, to her mother's home, to her boyfriend's neighborhood … to Mr. Madden's concert venue, and direct calls to Hilary's manager."

It's funny that Klein and Max are running around, trying to kill everyone, looking for happiness, but I bet it turns out that the true happiness is in their friendship and the memories they're creating.  I think we can learn a lot from Klein and Max.  Slow down.  Smell the roses.  Put down the gun and that strap-on that has a big knife blade instead of a fake penis, and you just might find that what you've been searching for has been right in front of you all along.