WAIT … WHAT THE HELL…

I'm no expert when it comes to punching Paris Hilton in the face yet but I do know a little something about hissy fits and throwing my stuffed animals around, and I know they look different when I get done teaching them a lesson.  And yet, in these pictures taken just one day after Paris Hilton was allegedly punched in the left side of the face by Shanna Moakler, she looks exactly the same as she always does.  Which is to say trashy and spoiled, a killing chamber for a clean penis.  Does it even count as assault if you don't leave a mark?  Should it be a crime if there’s not even a bruise?  Is it "stalking" if I only sent Marissa Miller sexy pictures of me on a bear rug because God told me too?  I can only attest to that last one, but according to the prosecutors in my case, yes, it is.