PARIS HILTON IS AN IDIOT

When 'Girls Gone Wild' founder Joe Francis was the victim of a home invasion in 2004, one of the witnesses was Paris Hilton, who told police at the time that she was at a party and overheard someone talking about the robbery .  Shockingly, her actual testimony was less than helpful.  Page Six says:

"Like I really … I don't remember. I'm not like that smart," Hilton said in police audio tapes set to air on "Dateline NBC" on Saturday night. "I like forget stuff all the time," she said.  Hilton also told cops "private tapes" were stolen from her home – and that a mysterious caller wanted money for the hot goods. "They … wanted money. They were tryin' to sell them to like a newspaper or something," said Hilton, who balked at paying – and chalked it up to advice from dear old Dad.  "So if you pay somebody, then you're gonna be paying for the rest of your life," Hilton said. "My dad always taught me. They'll keep the tape anyway."

Umm, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that homemade sex tapes isn't what dad had in mind when he has giving all this great parental advice.  When dads say things like "don't knock it till you try it", they're talking about broccoli and Shakespeare, not wearing a strap-on and drilling your bi-curious boyfriend.  By the way, Hiltons dad seems to have gotten a free pass.  And he shouldn't.  His inept parenting has shackled us all with this lazy eyed tramp, so if anyone sees him on the street, feel free to kick him in the nuts.  Tell him Responsibility sent you.