the Golden Globes Red Carpet

Jessica Alba really is kind of conservative. Sure, I could cover more of her with my semen than she does with her bikinis, but that’s what she wears in private. In public, she always dresses very tastefully and rarely shows much skin. And she always looks great. Unlike Natalie Portman. I’ve said it before, but Natalie Portman looks like she was made in a lab. She’s so cold looking. She’s obviously very pretty, but pretty like a rainbow or a sunset, and that probably came out more flattering than I meant it too. I really like sunsets and all, I’ve never wanted to jack off to one. Just like Natalie Portman. But it is nice to put her pics right above Renee Zellwegger, cause now I only have to kinda apologize for my crush on Renee. Ever since hearing her scream in the ‘Texas Chainsaw’ sequel, I’ve thought she was kinda hot. And now she’s all ripped out, and that would normally make her look kinda manly, but not when her pictures are right below every boy playing third base in Nebraska little league.