THE TITANIUM AM-EX IS HERE

Good news if you’re a pretentious jackass, American Express is now rolling out an ultra exclusive Titanium Card to slowly replace the invitation-only Black Card, currently the card of choice for such image paranoid idiots as Lindsay Lohan, Jay-Z and Sean Combs. The new card will have a 2,500 dollar annual fee and a minimum 250,000 dollars of required spending, but it comes with an unlimited credit line and members only perks. It also comes standard with confused looks from cashiers who have never seen it and long waits in airport security as you set off the metal detector (real Titanium, you see). I swear to Christ, only a celebrity would pay more for something less useful. But, whatever, cause I’ve long since stopped paying for things with my Black AmEx, since it’s not nearly extra fancy enough anymore. Now, whenever I’m buying a condom studded with diamonds or having my midget dipped in gold, I hand the cashier a live human baby. (I’m kidding of course, it’s just an African baby.)


And yes, Lindsay does have a Black Card. And yes, she was dumb enough to leave it in a cab about a year ago.







note – originally posted on GMask on July 17, 2005