Kate Middleton’s Honker All the Rage

The universe did Kate Middleton a huge favor by birthing her from an English chick’s chunnel, because by New York City standards Kate’s pretty average looking. But make her British and nobility, and suddenly hordes of ‘me-too’ New York women are all running to plastic surgeons to get the ‘Kate Middleton nose’. I blame retarded Disney films for making all chicks want to be fucking princesses. Walt Disney didn’t have much love for the Semitic types, so it’s ironic that his company’s doodles are making Jewish girls ask for a WASPy Kate nose for their sweet sixteen. ‘No, honey, you can’t have a Jasmine or an Ariel, how about a Kate. She’s a real princess. Well, I mean, she did fuck a real prince.’

Plastic surgery trends suck because you wind up with a ton of women who all look the same, which is boring, and it’s even worse if they’re molding their faces in homage to a solid seven. If dudes want to hump a generic looking plastic chick they should just buy a blow-up doll so they don’t have to listen to the verbal diarrhea that surely must froth from the mouth of any woman who would get a Kate Middleton nose job.

Prince William first popped a royal woody for Kate when he saw her modeling a see-through dress at a college fashion show. It’s not like he gazed upon his one true love and thought, ‘What a hot fucking schnoz!’ No, he was squinting to see her nips like every other warm-blooded mammal in the room. The lesson for girls is that you don’t need a $12,000 nose to capture a man’s attention, you just need to dress slutty and show off your tits. That’s one to grow on.