Gwyneth Paltrow would like to sell you this $185 bikini

Normally, Gwyneth Paltrows website Goop is all about giving out advice, because Gwyneth Paltrow is just like you! (note: Gwyneth Paltrow is nothing like you) but now she’s added a store to sell clothes made exclusively for the site.

As a simple working mom, Paltrow knows people need basics, like a white t-shirt, which she calls an “essential wardrobe staple”, and then charges $90 for. Now she’s introducing a simple black bikini that sells for $185.

Of course, you could get a similar bikini from Victorias Secret for $24, but would it have “adjustable tie-strings that help flatter your shape”? NO! Those tie-strings are locked into place. Other bikinis are made from a resin that’s poured into a mold, they’re completely rigid, and any attempt to adjust them to flatter your shape will only embarrass you further.