Mark Wahlberg would have stopped 9/11

Pretend movie tough-guy/real-life jackass Mark Wahlberg has an interview in the new issue of Men’s Fitness, and let’s just get right to it:

On being scheduled to be on one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11:
?”If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.'”

So, by extension, according to Mark Wahlberg, all the people who were on those planes but did not prevent them from crashing were pussies. Who didn’t love their kids as much as he does. And the people who fought back on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania were lumbering doofuses and crashed anyway.

Clearly that’s not how Mark Wahlberg, who starred in ‘the Italian Job’, would have done it. He would have defeated the terrorists with his movie punches, then landed the plane, on time, and killed the Arab-looking baggage guys just in case. That sure would have been exciting to see! If it’s not too much trouble maybe Wahlberg could dig up some of the lazy assholes who died that day and act it out for me.