lindsay lohan is denying that jessica alba rumor

(NOTE: I’d like to get an erection this weekend, so I’m not gonna risk looking up Lohan pictures just because the story is about her. So instead, hey look, it’s Denise Milani decorating a Christmas tree while her huge boobs spread holiday cheer to all. Specifically to my cock.)

Two days ago it was mentioned (here) that Lindsay Lohan was allegedly caught kissing Jessica Albas husband, Cash Warren. The story was that Cash was out with his friends and Lindsay was at the same bar (A bar? Oh I know. I was surprised too). Us magazine said…

Soon after discovering one another at Villa, Warren and Lohan “ignored friends and just chatted.” The real trouble began half an hour in. “Lindsay and Cash started making out,” an onlooker tells Us.
“Lip on tongue,” the eyewitness continues, “It was raw. They were not shy!”
Another Villa patron that night gasped, “It was a shock to see the two of them kiss, but it was real.”

No one in their right mind would believe that any man would go from Jessica Alba, who is physically perfect, to Lindsay Lohan, who would be like fucking a chain link fence. But Lindsay gave E! online a denial anyway.

“Cash Warren is a BUSINESS partner, nothing more, nothing less. And I have NO interest in anything but focusing on my career/work, as well as my family, and getting everyone holiday gifts! Eeeks-stressful!”

Someone needs to go back to Writing A Denial school because none of that made any sense whatsoever. The next time she’s asked about it this dumb bitch might as well put her finger under her nose like it was a mustache and say she’s not Lindsay.