“I slept with my own father.”

To set the table here, Mackenzie Phillips is the daughter of John Phillips, the founder and lead singer of ‘The Mamas & the Papas’. He’s also the father of actress Bijou Phillips and singer Chynna Phillips. Mackenzie was a big deal in the 70s when she starred on the CBS sitcom ‘One Day At A Time’. Valerie Bertinelli played her sister, and Pat Harrington played ‘Schneider’, the gruff building superintendent with a heart of gold.

Now to the point: Mackenzie will be on Oprah today (the show, not the fattie) to promote her new book, and according to People magazine, she reveals that she had sex with her own father. Oh I know right. What a slut!  It takes some nerve to go on TV and brag about raping her own dad.

“On the eve of my wedding, my father showed up, determined to stop it,” writes Phillips, who was 19 and a heavy drug user at the time. “I had tons of pills, and Dad had tons of everything too. Eventually I passed out on Dad’s bed.”
“My father was not a man with boundaries. He was full of love, and he was sick with drugs. I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father.”
“Had this happened before? I didn’t know. All I can say is it was the first time I was aware of it.”

OK so apparently he was the one who raped her. The headline didn’t make that very clear. I assumed she was the predator because that’s how girls are with me. I am like sugar to them.  They’re constantly pawing at me and asking to rub my genitals. In fact before I go to a party or a bar or somewhere like that, I have to soak my penis in that bitter apple puppy spray stuff so girls won’t keep licking it and putting it in their mouth.