Afternoon headlines

KIRSTIE ALLEY – has four years to live because of her binge eating and total lack of self control. She’s now 58 and over 250 pounds. The article is from the Enquirer, but put the quotes in a different order and you could rewrite it for Popular Science, bragging that even motionless tubs of shit can live to 62 in this modern age of wonders. (source = NE)

BRAD PITT – Will not be running for mayor of New Orleans, despite a grass-roots campaign asking him to. If he did, he says he’d be “running on the gay marriage, no religion, legalization and taxation of marijuana platform.” Whatever dude. Campaign with Angie in the Tomb Raider outfit and I’d vote for him as King of Earth. (source = star)

KAT VON D – Is in the German FHM this month showing off her hot little body. The tats are a bit much though. Too many faces. Too many unblinking eyes and motionless expressions starring at me while I do it to her. I would be like humping Terri Schiavo.  (hq jump = here)