Screw you George Clooney

George Clooney has nailed Charlize Theron, Kelly Preston, Vendela, Salma Hayek and Brooke Langton, and we’re not even up to his top 3 yet. That would be Shannyn Sossamon, Krista Allen and Lucy Liu.

But he also reportedly did it with Teri Hatcher and Ellen Barkin (not at once), and he was married to Talia Balsam (this chick) for 4 years, until 1993.

Now he’s dating 30-year-old Italian actress Elisabetta Canalis, and she’s not all that good looking either. She has a hot body but so what. So do I, that doesn’t mean George Clooney gets to date me.

The only thing I can guess is that he has to reset his penis every few months, and so he sticks it in a regular model instead of a supermodel. Like downshifting a fancy car so it can catch it’s breath. You can’t go around sticking your penis into Krista Allen and Lucy Liu all the time. It’s too much. Too exciting. It would be like telling a retarded kid he gets to live at Magic Mountain now, with all the Pepsi and funnel cakes that he can get his fat fingers around. He would hyperventilate and spaz out and be dead in a week.

(hq jump here. source = pacific coast)